on radical sobriety and recovery

I was born with the itch under my skin. 36 days early and detoxing for the first time at 3 days old. I lost my mother to opioid overdose at eleven, and I told myself I’d break the cycle. I fell in, definitely. But I will claw my way out of this hole for the rest of my life. I went to my first recovery meeting in a church basement expecting a bunch of old men and bible talk. Honestly? That’s exactly what I got. Junkie shaming out the wazoo. But the bible quote written on the white board behind the snack bar has stuck with me as an anarchist

““All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful for me,” but I will not be dominated by anything.”
1 Corinthians 6:12

Leaving behind the moralistic views of addiction, the hatred of other drug users at different points in their life, I found a community of other radically sober people. Learning how deeply ingrained into, especially poor, american life opioids are. The pharmaceutical companies have been playing the long game, getting pills and powders as ingrained in families as a last name. During my first detox as an adult I found myself asking a lot of questions through the vomiting. Who picks the raw materials for fractions of pennies a day? Who’s being exploited so I can get my fix? Who’s grand design for yearly profits am I living? Who benefits from my mind and judgement clouded by an oppressor? In the same way a brick shatters a bank window, and the same way a fist makes contact with a nazi’s jaw, use your radical hubris to run up the hill to your oppressor. Surviving is the bravest thing you can do, and I’ll shake my fist in heroins face and i’ll tell it who’s the best.
-robin n. stealin’

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